For 6+ months, I’ve been attempting to get in touch with the agency my parents used to get access to information about my “creation”. When I originally met with the president at the time of the agency many years ago, she mentioned she had pulled up my file and shared what number baby I was. I either forgot it or forgot to write it down but I simply want to know which number baby I was. I know my record has been digitized as I asked for copies of my parents and birthmom’s application many years ago (this was not made easy) so, one would think, they would be able to readily find my information at some time in 6+ months. They haven’t and each time I’ve called they haven’t followed up with me, despite saying they will.

Yesterday, I decided to see what other methods there were other than calling and found a contact form. Here are the options to select from:

• General information
• How to become a surrogate
• How to become a parent

Does this not say everything? They never expect to hear from the kids themselves nor are they prepared to. I’ve reached out a few times mainly over the last ten years to get answers to questions, access to any possible resources, and copies of documents. Each time it’s a shock to hear from me. After a former therapist identified how much abandonment trauma I was dealing with in my early 20s, I reached out to the agency asking for recommendations for therapists that have worked with surrogate born people. They had none. The person they ended up recommending that I worked with had only ever worked with parents trying to have kids/infertility issues. The entire basis of why I was at therapy was clearly challenging for that therapist who both wanted to help me and, at times, seemed visible uncomfortable with the idea that I was carry so much trauma from how I was born.

Agencies need to be prepared for kids they help create to come with hard questions, requests for information/documentation, and requests for resources (therapists, support groups, etc). I have never found an agency that’s prepared in this way and, with an increasing number backed by private equity, I think we will never see the day.

I texted my parents yesterday asking them to try calling, thinking that maybe since they are the ones who gave them money so many years ago they will be more willing to help. We’ll see if that’s the case. In the process of doing that though, I found out that the agency they used was bought by a broader group called Ovation Fertility. Ovation Fertility recently merged with US Fertility:

Harris Williams advised Ovation Fertility, a portfolio company of investment funds managed by Morgan Stanley Capital Partners, the middle market focused private equity team at Morgan Stanley, on their merger with US Fertility, a portfolio company of Amulet Capital Partners. Financial terms of the transaction were not disclosed.

I am the paid product these groups so intentionally created–so carefully created marketing around. The agency that my parents trusted and thought were “doing surrogacy right” has been bought and sold into the world of private equity. It’s disgusting. There are certain industries (many? most?) that private equity doesn’t need to be involved with but the creation of human life that involves money changing hands definitely needs to be left alone. The ball is already rolling though, faster and faster. Yet I still can’t get basic questions answered, can’t find a therapist who specializes in surrogacy, and I just met someone born through surrogacy two days ago. It doesn’t need to be this way. The agency could be a hub of resources and support yet the same resulting children they are desperate to create they never think to provide support for after they are born. The job is not done with the child is born.