“Do you have a family history of ______?” I recently had an emergency appendectomy and was asked repeatedly about my family history. I always freeze a bit in these moments and have to take a deep breath as I decide what to say. I try to avoid talking about surrogacy, since it’s inherently vulnerable, yet I also try to indicate a general lack of awareness about the full picture of half of my genetics. I count myself as fortunate that I have snippets of information collected over the years (age related macular degeneration, osteoporosis, etc) since I am in touch with my birth mom’s side. I don’t really know how my grandparents on my birth mom’s side died though nor the medical details of any of my half siblings. I learned in the last few years about a later onset of hearing loss that I still don’t quite know the cause nor the details of. A million thoughts swirl through my head when I try to answer this question and needing emergency surgery this week when I don’t have time to muster up the courage to try to find out more reinforced for me why I have Right to Medical History in my drafted Ethical Framework: Rights of Individuals Born Through Surrogacy. It’s genuinely risky to not know. My parents cited wanting to have medical information for why they kept the adoption open yet I still don’t know. In true weirdness of my experience of surrogacy, medical info lives in a strange in between: it’s accessible in a way but not proactively shared, sought out, or reported back on. I have taken to asking when I can and when it makes sense when starting with a new doctor or hearing about ailments as they come up. My notes are scattered and my memory at times shaky as medical details aren’t often as salient as family stories or details about how I came to be when talking to my birth mom’s side.

I know I am lucky though having an open adoption and being, as of now, the only person in a small group of surrogacy born people to be in more regular touch with my birth mom. Medical information shouldn’t come down to luck though. It should be a right afforded to anyone who didn’t choose to be born this way but that must deal with the consequences, including medical consequences that come with not knowing. This time around not knowing didn’t harm me. I may not always be so lucky nor the many people born via various means and ways.

If you’re born via surrogacy, try to get this information. Be adamant. Be brave. If you are wanting to use surrogacy, this must be included and it is on you to set your future child up for the information they need to help them in future medical situations. Don’t wait.