From time to time, I get this question from folks. I have a hard enough time imagining having a child of my own that having a child for someone else hasn’t even fully entered my consciousness.
My gut reaction is a quick “nope” purely because being pregnant seems absolutely terrifying and other worldly. If I try to get beyond the fear, I still would give a hard “no” to doing traditional surrogacy (how I was born). This is likely due to my current status of not having a “complete family” as the surrogacy world calls it (when you’re done having the kids of your own that you want). It’s also likely due to my intimate understanding of how it feels on the other side. With so many other options, I’m not sure I could manage to give someone I was genetically related to away. I’m also 100% the sentimental type who can hardly part with those I’m not genetically related to.
Gestational surrogacy still feels like a solid “no” purely because of the risks that come with being pregnant. Plus, I’d have to reign in my chocolate and caffeine intake for sure ;). Strangely, if I ever were to even consider surrogacy it would likely only be altruistic and for very very very very dear friends. Even then, I’d want to have a long conversation about adoption and how that is always an option.
In the last year, I talked with the president of the agency my parents used about the future of surrogacy only to find out that there isn’t one ideally. With the advent of womb transplants, the idea of phasing out surrogacy in favor of this new technology is more appealing even to those in the industry. Strangely, I would definitely be game for this long before the other options! Put me under, Doc.
What about you? If you were born through surrogacy, would you ever look into being a surrogate yourself? Why or why not? What form?
Photo by Emily Morter on Unsplash
Thanks so much for sharing, Anne! I think it’s so great that you’re reaching out. I had this conversation with one of my friends on the trail. His sister is gay but she and her wife want to have a baby! His brother is also gay, so he donated his sperm for them. Since they’re related and can’t have children on their own, I thought this was the most ideal scenario. Unfortunately, seems like he is sterile. My friend who is 23 and still single wants to donate his sperm to his sister and sister-in-law, but his sister doesn’t know how she feels about it. Definitely a really complicated topic! Thought I would share this story.
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I’ve started to hear about a ton about stories like that including sisters of gay men carrying babies for them and their partner. It’s all so complex! As a kid born this way, I can’t imagine how confusing that would be. It’s something that both worries and fascinates me.